


Long Black Veil

by Bluebird2479



Series: Sweet Child O’mine [4]
Category: Avengers, MCU, Marvel
Genre: Angst, BAMF Natasha, Bucky Barnes deserves a hug, F/M, Gen, M/M, Minor winter soldier backstory, Natalia and james, Natasha Romanoff Backstory, Natasha romanoff deserves a hug, POV Natasha, Polyamorous relationship, future poly amory
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-18
Updated: 2019-08-18
Packaged: 2020-09-07 00:47:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,935
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20300689
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bluebird2479/pseuds/Bluebird2479
Summary: Before she was an Avenger, she was a spyBefore she was a spy, she was the worlds deadliest assassinBefore she was Natasha, she was Natalia.Before she found a family, she found him





	Long Black Veil

**Author's Note:**

> This is my take on the relationship between Natasha and Bucky.  
I wanted to explore more of Natasha. She’s my favourite, literally.  
Man I miss her.

The first time she met him, she couldn’t remember much of anything else. He was strange and new and the only thing that made sense.

She had just woken up from whatever it was they did to her. The room had been dark and cold, A formidable looking woman had stood by her bed and ordered her to get up.

Madame B? That was the woman’s name. That’s what she told her.

Her memories were muddled. She was forgetting a lot of things. There was something important, something she tried to remember before they put her under.

She remembered her name.

“Natalia Alianovna Romanov, she is the best trainee at the red room. She is the perfect choice for our program.” Madam B announced to a couple of strangers as she lead her into a room.

She stood behind madam B, her head bowed and posture rigid. She didn’t remember a lot of things, but she could never forget her training. She didn’t dare look up.

“We have heard a lot about your program. To strengthen our alliance, Hydra has sent you a gift.” A mans voice, exactly ten feet away from her.

She still doesn’t move.

“Is he the Asset we’ve heard so much about? What happened to his arm?” Madam B asked

“Fell off a train, he was presumed dead. We found him by luck. His arm was completely damaged but he was still alive.” The man said

He? There were only two voices.

But there were three shadows on the ground.

She wanted to look at this...asset.

Curiosity was something they beat out of her a long time ago.

He made her curious.

“How did you get him to stay loyal? I heard he was best friends with..”

“It was tough. He fought back, took twenty years to completely break him. Had a mouth on him too. But now, he moves when we tell him to move, eats when we tell him to eat and kills with a ruthless efficiency that none of our best agents could ever muster.” The man had a voice that sent shivers up her back. She hated him.

She could kill him in 12 seconds. She knows she can. He’s only a little distance from her, and her two inch heels are nothing short of a weapon.

The though came unbidden, it terrified her.

It excited her.

‘_He fought back, took twenty years to break him.’_

She fought back too. She remembered now.

She tried to escape. The sweet murmurings that the witch had whispered in her ear had been true, but the promise of freedom had been false.

‘_you can leave Natalia. It’s not a ballet school and you know it. Escape, leave.’_

She did. She almost escaped.

Her plan had been foiled. The door to freedom closed before she could enjoy the blessed rays of the sun.

That was the first time she has seen the sun in years. She knew it had also been the last.

The enchantress was laughing somewhere at her defeat, she knew that.

Her attempt at escape had earned her punishment, along with something far worse.

_Recognition._

They wanted her to lead their legacy, become their finest assassin.

She just wanted to survive.

She never fought back again.

Until..

‘_He_ _fought_ _back_....’

She carefully lifted her head, getting the barest glimpse of the scene in front of her.

The man was seated in front of Madam B, drinking scotch. They chatted, not paying her any attention.

_He_ stood behind, melting into the shadows.

Despite everything, his head wasn’t bowed. He caught her eye and stared back, never turning away.

She caught the glint of his metal arm, but she couldn’t look away from his eyes.

‘_Why did you stop? Why did you stop fighting_?’ She tried to ask him through her eyes.

His remained blank.

The hope that had burst through her like a firecracker only a minute ago faded completely.

He fought back, but couldn’t win.

Neither could she.

“The Asset will train her, she will truly become the finest there is.” The man said “I presume you have already started with the program?”

“She tried to escape so we put her to sleep. It was a success so far, her system responded well to the serum.” Madam B proclaimed

“If I may be honest, it is a watered down version of Erskines formula. Even we couldn’t procure the original for our asset, although we came close with our enhancements.” The man said

“Are you suggesting I replace her arm with bionic implants?” Madam B asked

Fear and indignation flared through her. She was more angry then terrified.

The urge to kill the man became stronger, though she didn’t understand why she felt so confident she could get away with it.

The asset was still staring blankly, but he never looked away from her.

He wanted to help her. If she killed the man, he wouldn’t stop her.

“We start her training tomorrow. What do you call the asset?” Madam B asked as she stood up

The man also stood up.

“The winter soldier.”

———————-

She was on her back within 38 seconds.

She lasted ten seconds more than last time.

The soldier looked at her with impassive eyes as he patiently waited for her to get up. He never offered to help.

He never did anything else but follow his orders: train her.

She wanted to see him show something. Anything.

Not those empty eyes.

It was like staring into a mirror.

‘_Twenty_ _years_..’

She didn’t want that. She didn’t want her eyes to turn into endless black holes of nothingness.

She had to save him. That was the only way she can hope for herself.

She wanted to make him angry. He didn’t react, no matter what she did. His face was still a perfect mask of stoicism.

She wanted to break his teeth.

He simply waited for her to get up. She swung at him, taking him by surprise.She was the best in her training because she attacked when people least anticipated it. The soldier maybe better than her in combat, but she was better than him at stealth.

She started playing a game with him. Hiding, feinting, never attacking upfront.

He was an assassin, he knew what she was doing. But he couldn’t catch her.

It was days later, but she finally saw it.

His frustration. It only increased the longer she danced out of reach. Never really fighting, simply dodging.

He was fast. She realised that she was fast too. She couldn’t punch through steel like he could though.

Whatever they did to her, it had worked.

The soldier grew restless. He caught her and punched.

He would do it again, she stared at him and smiled. He froze. Something in his eyes flickered, like recognition.

Or a memory.

She grinned wider. He was breaking free. So could she.

“You should tell me to stop.” He said in Russian

“I can take it.” She said, smirking

He turned away from her, brows scrunching in confusion

“Punk..” he muttered under his breath.

The sudden use of English startled her. He talked to her in Russian all this time, now he’s American.

Somehow, she knew that name wasn’t for her.

Madam B supervised the sessions but left them alone more these days. She took advantage of those times to try and get some reaction from him.

By the end of the day, she thinks she may have cracked through some of the armour. The next day, he was back to being the blank, unresponsive Killing machine.

He was a good teacher.

She was better than before.

She didn’t want to be.

Madam B came to her one day, a few months after the soldier started training her.

“You’re almost ready Natalia. It’s time for your graduation.”

Her blood ran cold.

Graduation.

The rite of passage.

They would sterilise her. That’s not something she could ever go back from. She couldn’t do this.

She had to leave.

She started missing targets. Lost easily in sparring sessions.

They didn’t believe her

“I know you can do this Natalia. It will happen, no matter what you do.” Madam B whispered in her ear.

The gun in her hand trembled. The target right in front of her. She could shoot it easily.

She couldn’t shoot.

“You’ll never escape. You can never have a family. This is your life Natalia.”

Tears pooled in her eyes.

“I can’t.” She whispered

“Yes you can, and you will. Now shoot.”

She couldn’t do this

She fired the gun.

She sealed her fate.

An explosion hit the base. A red alarm blared through and all around her, people were running.

Soldiers infiltrated the base.They were being attacked.

This was her chance to escape. To leave and start over. They hadn’t performed the surgery yet and she won’t let them.

Freedom.

But_ he_ was there, blocking her way.

“New mission: keep the black widow alive.” He stated

Desperation spread through her

“Please, you have to let me go. This is my only chance.” She begged

He remained as stoic as ever.

She wanted to shoot him. And she wouldn’t miss.

“My mission is to keep you secure.” He repeated

She wanted to laugh

“You mean to keep me from running.” She snapped

Another explosion, this time close to where they were standing

They had to leave, or they’d be caught. She didn’t think for one second these new soldiers would treat her any better.

The soldier took her arm and led her away. They ran for a long time, the firing and explosions always close behind.

Once the adrenaline left her, she realised something.

The sun.

They were outside.

She felt her knees go weak as she sank to the ground, sobbing in relief.

She was outside

She was free.

“Danger still imminent. We must find cover.” The soldier said

She froze. He would take her back. She needed to escape from him. She had to run.

That’s when she saw the bullet wound on her leg. She had been shot.Before she could say anything, he lifted her into his arms and carried her.She shivered against him, snuggling closer.

This man was her prison, why did he make her feel safe? She couldn’t trust him.She was losing consciousness.

“Wake up” He said “you need to stay awake.”

“Date. I forgot the date.” She gasped “1949,They put me to sleep.”

Everything went dark

—————

She opened her eyes and looked around. They were in some kind of barn. Her instincts kicked in and she stood up quietly, ignoring the pain in her leg.

He was standing In front of her, watching her warily.

“Where are we?” She asked

“We travelled far from the base. You were injured so we had to stay here.” He said

She looked at him in confusion. He was showing emotion. He looked nothing like the winter soldier

“How long have I been out?” She asked

“Three days. How's your leg? I removed the bullet and cleaned the poison as best as I can.”

He was using more words in one sentence than he had in months.

Deciding it was safe, she sat down.

“What happened to you?” She asked

He smiled wryly

“I guess if they can’t brainwash me everyday, I don’t work the way they want me to.”

‘_He_ _fought_ _back_.’

“You’re not the winter soldier right now?” She asked

“No. I won’t take you back Natalia. You’re free.” He said

She nodded, too numb to respond more.

He wouldn’t take her back. He’ll let her go.

she was _free._

“When can we leave?” She asked

“They might be searching for us. We’ll leave as soon you can walk.” He said as he tended to the fire he made in front of her

“Where will you go?” She asked

He paused and she saw the grief that flickered across his face

“I don’t know. Maybe back to the US. That’s where I’m from.” He said

“Can I come with you?” She asked hopefully

“Why would you trust me?” He asked, frowning

She hesitated, and breathed in a few times before telling him

“I was taken by the red room as I child. Everyone outside thought it was a ballet school for girls but it wasn’t. They trained us to become killers, and no one went easy on us. They didn’t believe in mercy, or compassion.” She breathed harshly, trying to compose herself “Throughout my life, I’ve been trained by many people. You were the first person who didn’t punish me for failing.” She admitted

He glared at the fire, his fists clenched tightly together.

“I’ll protect you. I promise.” He said firmly

She nodded and they both lapsed in silence

“1968.” He said

“What?”

“The year. It’s 1968. I try to remember the date too, every time they put me to...sleep.” He said

“Oh. I’ve missed a lot.” She said ruefully

He grinned at her, the first smile she saw since they met

“Would like to explore with me?” He asked

“I would love that.”

“I’m gonna get us something to eat now, pretty sure I saw some berries outside.” He muttered the last part to himself in English

“What’s your name?” She called before he could leave

He hesitated, like he was trying to remember

“James.”

———————-

They managed to stay away for a month before they were finally caught.

While it lasted, she was happy.

They left Stalingrad, which she found out was now called Volgograd. James stole a car from a town a little distance from the barn.

They travelled many places, saw more people than she ever saw in her life.

She caught up with everything she missed. James seemed to know a bit more than she did.

“I think he was my friend.” He told her one day, after they reached Romania.

He was staring at a wall with an old Captain America poster.

She knew who he was. The black widow program started after the serum succeeded on him.

The black widow was meant to fight him someday. But he died before that chance came and they put her to sleep.

James stared at the poster wistfully.

“You loved him.” She said softly

He nodded without looking away.

She held his hand as they stood there, him staring at his lost love while she fell in love with him.

——————

“How will we go? Will the airport security even let us in?” She asked

“We need to find the American Embassy. If I can somehow contact Howard Stark or Peggy Carter, they’ll definitely help.” He told her

“But if hydra or KGB gets to us first, we can never escape.” She warned

“Damn.”

They were in France and she was in love with the place.

As James tried to find a way to get them safe passage, she explored the city of Paris. She pickpocketed a few people, something she felt bad about but it was necessary.

She never had as much fun in her life than now.

“There’s a dealer I know. The winter Soldier was sent here last year to complete a mission.” James started, looking uncomfortable. He hated talking about what the winter soldier did “Anyway, I spared the life of the guy that was with him. He owes me and I’m pretty sure I can convince him to help.”

“Where is he now?” She asked, feeling exited

“About that, he’s away for a few days. We’ll need to wait here for him. Probably a week or two at most.” He said

“What will we do till then?”

“I think it’s time we lived a little, don’t you?”

They shopped and ate more food than they ever did their entire lives. She didn’t even know the names of half the stuff they ordered.

They visited the Eiffel Tower and the louvre. James spent a lot of time in front of the paintings.

“I didn’t know you liked art.” She said

“I don’t understand any of this. But I think I know someone who did.” He said, frowning like he was trying to remember

He broke free of the brainwashing, but his memories were still muddled.

He was slowly remembering.

“Come on, there’s more stuff to see.” James said and dragged her outside

She spoke fluent French and purposefully translated the wrong meaning for James

“Si on prenait un verre un de ces quatres?” A bartender told James while she poured his drink, winking at him before she left

“Was she flirting with me?” He asked her

“No. She said your hair reminds her of her dog.”

James ran his hand through his hair and pouted. She laughed

There was live music and a dance floor in the bar. She grabbed James and dragged him with her

“Dance with me.”

He looked a little uncomfortable, tugging at the gloves he wore to hide his metal arm

“I don’t remember how.” He told her

“Follow my lead.” She whispered in his ear

They danced, slowly at first, but picking up pace. James was a good dancer, and he was remembering that.

He spun her around and lifted her off her feet as she laughed in surprise.

He was smiling more widely than she had ever seen.

They danced for hours before finally leaving to the inn room they booked.

There were two beds but she snuggled right next to him in his bed.

“Nightmares.” She said when he looked at her questioningly. He nodded, understanding.

They were both far away from their prisons, but the horrors of what they went through was something they couldn’t escape.

In the morning, it was easier to ignore them. At night, everything came back to weigh them down.

They were both forced to do things they didn’t want to. They both had red in their ledgers.

But these few days alone had healed them a lot. The trauma will never go away, but it moved to give space for something else.

Hope.

“Thank you Natalia.” He whispered

She didn’t ask why, she knew.

He shifted, pulling her closer.

“Je suis tombée amoureuse.” She whispered

“Are you mocking my hair in French too?”

“Nope. I’m saying you look like a drunk raccoon.”

“Ha ha!” He said sarcastically

She giggled and reached for his hand, kissing it

“Tell me about him.” She said

“Who?”

“Captain America. Tell me about the man behind the mask.”

James chuckled

“The man behind the mask was just a skinny kid from Brooklyn who couldn’t run away from a fight.”

He told her about the boy he rescued and brought home.

The adventures they had and the memories they shared.

Sharing an apartment, working together.

He told her how Steve had stormed the enemy lines for him. How they fought together against hydra.

He told her about the kiss.

“I loved him.” He said softly

“I know.”

———-

They couldn’t stay in one place for long. It was risky

They kept booking different rooms throughout the city, never staying in one room for longer than two nights.

She dyed her hair blonde and he cut his. They kept changing disguises. James was growing antsy, the risk of being caught was high, but they had to wait for the dealer.

The dealer James talked about ended up coming after three weeks.

She was waiting at a cafe when James came to her and threw a Manila envelope on the table

“Two fake passports and tickets to New York.” He said grinning “I’m taking you to my home.”

She stood up and hugged him tightly.

“I can’t wait. When do we leave.”

“Tomorrow.”

They celebrated at the bar, dancing and singing and making a general fool of themselves.

That night, when they reached their room, she kissed him.

She thought he might pull back, he was still in love with his Steve. He surprised her when he deepened the kiss.

They didn’t speak, didn’t ask questions. They were together and that was all that mattered.

James lifted her into his arms and carried her to the bed with him.

“Do you trust me Natalia.”

“Yes.”

—————-

The next morning, they prepared to leave.

She packed whatever little belongings they had procured so far into a little bag and watched James go through their passports.

“Laura Mathers?” She asked, reading the name on her passport

“Yup” James replies, still crosschecking the tickets “And I’m you’re handsome husband William.” He continued, smirking at her

“Is my husband taking me on a honeymoon then?” She asked, smiling

“Oh we don’t have to go anywhere for that. It could be arranged right here.” James winked suggestively at her.

She blushed and turned away, smiling to herself.

“I want to start over.” She said

“Huh?”

“When we reach New York, I want to start over. New country, new life...new name.”

“I like Natalia.” James said

“And I like it when you call me that. Only you. I want to change my name.”

“Do you have anything in mind?” James asked

“Not Laura Mathers.” She said “I feel like that was one of your ex girlfriends name.”

James blushed

“Maybe you can keep your initials?” He suggested

She considered that. She was going to America now, maybe she could make her name sound less conspicuous.

She played around with the name in her mind.

“Natasha.” She said

“Nice. Can I still call you Natalia?”

“You’re the only one who can call me that.”

——-

She should have realised. Things were going too smoothly. Something bad was bound to happen.

They were caught.

It was hydra that managed to find them first. They were on their way to the car when someone fired at James. It hit him in the metal arm so he was fine, but they had to run.

They were chased for a long time before they finally caught up.

“You will come with us soldier. That’s an order.” One of the masked agents said

“Never. You’ll never take him again,” She screamed and shot him

More agents were coming after them. James lead her to a less populated street

“Natalia stop.” James said “We can’t outrun them.”

“No! We’re almost there. Just need a car. If we reach the airport-“

“We can’t be in civilian areas. They don’t care about harming innocent people in their way. We can’t do that.”

“But-but you can’t go back. You can’t.”

“If I leave now, you’ll have a chance to escape. Please Natalia.”

“No. I can’t. please don’t do this James.”

“Do you think I want to go back. It’s the only way. If one of us can have our freedom than I’m glad it’s you.”

She started crying. She could here the agents catching up with them.

“James please.” She begged desperately

“Je suis tombé amoureux.” He said, smiling sadly at her “I’ve fallen for you too.”

She closed her eyes as he pressed a hard, desperate kiss on her lips.

“You can still get away. Go Natalia. Live for both of us.”

When she opened her eyes, he was gone.

She wanted to scream.

She wanted to break down and cry.

She wanted- _needed_ him to come back.

The street was quiet, the hydra agents were gone.

She couldn’t start there long, people would still be searching for her.

——

She managed to evade them for a week before they caught her.

“Seduced the Winter Soldier and convinced him to run away with you. I’m impressed Natalia.” Madam B said

“I’m never going back. I’d rather die.” She said vehemently

“That’s not a choice. You can’t fight this Natalia. It’s happening.”

They took her back to that hell hole.

She couldn’t escape.

The very next day they performed the surgery and something inside her broke.

She didn’t want to fight anymore.

It wasn’t worth it.

‘_Live for both of us._’

She wasn’t really sure she was alive.

They put her to sleep again.

Each time she woke up, she lost more of her memories.

1969

1972

1976

19-

She couldn’t remember.

She was losing him too.

——

2006

She earned a name for herself. The worlds deadliest assassin.

The black widow, a name that enticed fear in the most powerful men.

Her only rival was a ghost, a myth.

No one believed he was real. She did.

Her kill counts increased, so did her enemies.

SHIELD was hunting her down. They sent one of their best after her.

Hawkeye. Clint Barton.

She expected him to kill her. He had the chance. He made a different call.

He saved her.

“I thought you’d be older but God, you’re just a kid. How old are you?” He asked

16, her body said. Her mind knew she was older. She didn’t remember that.

“What’s your name? Your real name.” He asked

She didn’t even hesitate

“Natasha Romanoff.”

He took her back with him. Nick Fury decided to give her a chance.

That man would grow to become something akin to a father for her.

She trained and fought, but she did it for good.

She was helping people.

She had gotten her freedom.

She was forgetting something important. Someone.

——

2009

A mission to protect a man she was escorting.

The winter soldier on her trail. The myth proven to be true.

She didn’t see much of the man beyond his metal arm.

She needed to get to him.

It was important that she talked to him. She didn’t know why.

He shot the man, the bullet firing through her.

‘No more bikinis’ the ridiculous thought entered her hysterical mind.

He could’ve finished her off. Assassins don’t leave witnesses.

He let her live. She needed to know why.

Why did she recognise him?

—-

Iron man, the avengers, Loki, the battle of New York.

Everything was happening so fast.

She finally had a family, a home.

She was truly free.

Steve intrigued her. She didn’t know why.

Listening to Tony tell stories about Steve felt like she was listening to it a second time.

She already knew the man, before he told her anything. She didn’t understand it.

She had to protect him and love him and keep him happy.

She owed it to someone. It didn’t make sense.

Steve didn’t trust her. But he seemed to like her.

She liked him too.

He was so young, and yet so brave.

He never looked at her like she was some sort of trophy. He respected her. He also feared her a little.

Steve was adorable. She was falling for him. Little by little.

They fought Amora and Natasha felt a white hot flare of rage when she saw the enchantress.

Suddenly she wasn’t Natasha anymore, but Natalia. And she wasn’t in America with her family, she was in the red room with her tormentors.

She wanted to end the sorceress.

Amora cast some spell on Steve and she felt her anger increase.

If Thor hadn’t come in time, she would’ve tried to kill her.

Watching Steve as a toddler warmed something in her heart. Tony told her he wanted her to be his daughters god mother, she couldn’t contain her happiness.

She felt a stab of regret when she remembered she couldn’t become a mother herself.

Steve gave her a drawing and told her he loved her. She realised she was falling for him.

———-

They went on those missions together and grew closer.

She screwed it up when he found out about her double work during missions. Steve didn’t trust her.

Nick died and Natasha felt like he took a part of her with him.

He was like her father figure, and she needed to avenge him.

The winter soldier.

He was behind it all.

Steve asked her what she knew about himand she told him everything.

Except, it didn’t feel like everything.

They fought on that bridge and the soldiers mask comes off

“Bucky?” Steve asked, his voice breaking

“Who the hell is Bucky?”

Natasha watched the man she loved crumble in front of her, and she felt something break in her too.

She knew that man.

She had loved him. Still did.

‘James!’ She thought

She and Steve were in love with the same person. He would do anything to save his Bucky. She knew it would be impossible to save her James.

She didn’t tell him. Not yet.

There were more important things to take care of. People’s lives in danger.

She was glad they had Sam, she wasn’t sure she could be strong for Steve.

Her memories were making a comeback. Slowly, she was assaulted by an old memory. Sometimes a dance, or a kiss. A promise

‘Je suis tombé amoureux.’

—-

After Steve leaves the hospital, Natasha told him everything.

She told him about her James.

She told him about her feelings for him.

They were confusing. They didn’t make sense. Except, they kind of did.

They were in love with the same person and they loved each other.

Steve kissed her before she could say anything else.

“What about him? You still love him.” She asked

“I do. I can love more than one person Nat. When he comes back, we’ll be there for him.”

“He’ll come back. I know he will.”

So they waited.

He waited for Bucky

She waited for James.

And he would come back. To both of them.

It would be difficult. All three of them had difficult past and dangerous futures.

But they will make it work.

She knows they will.

Until then. She’ll keep fighting.

‘_He fought back for twenty years.’_

She would fight for a million years if it meant they could be together.

**Author's Note:**

> The winter soldier au is taking a bit time but I will post as soon as possible 
> 
> Please follow my Instagram account for more updates  
ID: bluebird2479
> 
> Please share your opinions in the comments section.  
Love you guys😍😘


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